Why I started the Solo Mum Society Facebook group...
I was never going to make a Facebook group!
Last year I started the company "Solo Mum Society" as I felt like I had found my purpose, which is to support women considering, creating or conquering life as solo mums using donor conception. There weren't a lot of resources in the market to support women considering this path (and thanks to my ADHD and procrastination, there still aren't as many as I want there to be) and I wanted to do something about this. I am committed to providing resources, such as my books, podcast, and coaching, to empower all solo mums and solo mums to be on their journey.
Having a Facebook group wasn't actually part of my original plan, however I saw there was a gap in the market for a nationwide group that treated SMBCs and SMBCs to be with the respect they deserve. I personally hadn't found a Facebook group that aligned with my values until I came across the fantastic VIC group, so I set up this nationwide group to create the same safe space where women on this journey could support each other and have hard conversations. And yes I will promote what I am working on in the group, and if people buy it, I will make money to support my family, but I also encourage other SMBCs to promote their products and services to the group as long as they are relevant and ideally have an offer. There will be monthly posts for these offers so it doesn't become too spammy but I really believe in women supporting women where we can, and especially other solo mums.
In my experience, women who become SMBCs are very strong, empowered, resilient and intelligent, and there needed to be a community that respected that and allowed the community to run itself, not adhere to a ridiculous amount of rules. I have no time to moderate conversations and comments, and I figured a community of these sorts of women shouldn't need it; they would moderate themselves if someone's behaviour went against treating others in the group with respect, even with differing opinions.
The only rules are to treat others in the group with respect and that anything discussed in the group stays in the group. It needs to remain the safe and trusting space it currently is. If there are genuine complaints about someone's behaviour, they will get a warning, if anyone is found to be discussing anything that happens in this group with people who are not in the group, we will have to remove you. I want to be completely transparent that these are the reasons someone would be removed, and I am confident no one would have issue with them (and if you do, this is probably not the group for you).
There are ways to have healthy debate and share different perspecitives respectfully and without bullying or attacking like we have all seen in other groups we have been a part of. I personally have been so proud of some of the harder discussions that have occurred recently, like on making contact with your donor, and how respectfully people have shared their views and listened to others. I also love how positive, uplifting and supportive the group is and hope this is the vibe that it always has.
There is a subgroup called "solo mum society - considering and creating" which is specifically for women in the early stage of their journey so they can have a safe space to discuss what they are going through without having to be bombarded with chats or images of kids if their journey isn't to plan. There is a tab in "Albums" that shows local SMBC groups you can join to build your local village; the condition is that you do not need to be a member of another group (including this one) to join them. There are also special interest chats, and some specific subgroups will be set up as needed for specific needs such as for those going on the Bali trip in 2025.
I also really encourage you to create local meet-ups and share them. I share my Port Melbourne catch-ups through my Instagram accounts, and if you would like me to share your events or local groups to get greater reach for some new members, please reach out. The in-person catch ups, camping trips and holidays have been so valuable for building some of the best friendships I have ever had in my life, and I would hate for people to miss out simply becuase they haven't found the right group yet (or might not be on Facebook).
I look forward to the amazing friendships and support I know these groups will continue in the future, and if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask in the group - just tag me in the question so I can see it to make sure I answer it as I do try not to spend TOO much time on social media as it allows me to procrastinate way too much.
Alisha x
