Surviving the silly season when your journey to motherhood isn’t going to plan

The table is set with sparkling lights, and laughter fills the room, but inside, you feel a knot tighten in your stomach. Someone asks, “So, are you seeing anyone?” and you brace for the wave of frustration and sadness. December is a month of joy and celebration — but when your journey to motherhood isn’t going to plan, it can feel anything but festive.

End-of-year functions, family events, and too much alcohol can often lead to well-meaning but painful questions. “Are you dating?” “Your biological clock is ticking!” or the ever-helpful, “Why don’t you just have a baby on your own?” But what if that’s exactly what you’re trying to do, and it’s not working, or you’re stuck in one of those agonising periods of waiting?

It’s okay to feel all of this — but remember, you are strong, and you’re allowed to protect your peace. After struggling through three years of infertility with a partner, and then years of hearing my biological clock grow louder while I searched for a way forward, I learned these essential lessons to help get through the holiday season with some sanity.

1. Draw the Line to Protect Your Peace

Before you attend a social event, think about who will be there and how you might feel. Will there be lots of families with young children? Will that sting a little too much?

If you feel you have to go but know it will be hard, let the host know in advance that you can only stay for a short time. You can say, “I have another commitment later.” Even if that commitment is you, in your PJs, watching a cheesy Christmas movie, that’s valid. Protecting your mental health is your number one priority.

2. Saying No is Self-Care

Is there an event you just can’t face? It’s okay to say, “I’m so sorry, I won’t be able to make it.” You don’t owe anyone an explanation.

And if the thought of saying no beforehand feels too daunting, you can always message on the day: “I’m sorry, I’m not feeling 100%, so I won’t be able to make it today.” Saying no to protect your heart is not selfish — it’s necessary. Remember: “Saying no doesn’t make me selfish; it makes me strong.”

3. Keep Your Control — and Your Escape Route

If you drink, you might have already cut back on alcohol for your journey. But during the holiday season, it’s a good idea to stay in control. Alcohol magnifies emotions, and no one wants to be the sad drunk girl at the party.

By not drinking, you also give yourself the freedom to drive and leave quickly if the event becomes too much. Sometimes, even when you think you’ll be fine, emotions can hit out of nowhere. Having an escape plan can be a lifesaver.

4. Have Your Comebacks Ready

Prepare yourself for the inevitable questions about dating, marriage, or having kids. Knowing what you’ll say in advance can help you stay calm and confident.

You might choose to brush it off with humour: “I’m still looking for Prince Charming, but I think his GPS is broken.”
Or shut it down: “I’d rather not talk about it.”
Or be honest and make them think twice about asking others in the future: “Actually, I’ve been trying to get pregnant on my own for the last six months, and it’s been really challenging.”

Whatever response you choose, remember: “I control the conversation — not their questions.”

5. Craft Your Own Joy

Find moments of joy that are just for you. Treat yourself to a facial or massage, go to the movies and splurge on all the snacks, or spend a weekend in your PJs binge-watching Harry Potter. Buy yourself that Christmas present you’ve always wanted, blast your favourite music, or book a solo weekend away.

These are not distractions — they are acts of self-love. Create your own beautiful moments because you deserve them.

6. Log Off for Your Peace of Mind

Social media during the holidays can be a minefield of “happy family” photos and “blessed” captions. If seeing these posts is too painful, give yourself permission to take a break.

I used to delete Facebook and Instagram from mid-December until the new year. It was the best way to protect my heart. Remember: it’s not selfish to guard your mental health. Sometimes, logging off is the kindest thing you can do for yourself.

7. Lean on Those Who Get It

Spend time with friends who understand or reach out to the amazing community at Solo Mum Society. If you’re struggling, post in the group (anonymously if you prefer) — you’ll be met with empathy and support from women who know exactly how you feel.

Even attending a local meet-up can help. Being with kindred spirits who have walked a similar path can be a balm to your soul. They’ll listen without judgment and offer the support you need.

You Are Not Alone

I hope this is the last December you have to navigate these challenges. Your journey is valid, your feelings matter, and you are not alone. Protecting your peace is not selfish — it’s essential.

Let this be a season where, despite the challenges, you choose joy, self-care, and resilience. And if you need more personalised support, the Solo Mum Society community and coaching services are here for you.

Your dreams are worth it, and so are you.

What helps you get through the holiday season? Share your tips in the Solo Mum Society community — your experience might be just what someone else needs to hear.